Carpe diem

Getting started is not as easy as I thought it would be.  Did I really think I could turn my brain off from the last five years of long hours at the office, the constant checking to be sure I didn’t miss an oh-so-important work email, the unending demand for my attention? I knew that I had allowed the work/life divide to co-exist in unpeaceful harmony.  I really thought that once I closed the book on the full-time job that I could turn my brain to pursuing my dream.

But closing the door on an old life and opening the window to the new one is not as easy as I had envisioned.

I find myself reaching for the work cell phone to check for messages and texts.

I find myself reaching out to my old co-workers just for a glimpse of what is going on in their lives.

And it’s only been two days!

But I just know that if I give myself a little bit of time, I’ll appreciate the life I have consciously chosen. The journey I am on that will take me to places I cannot even dream about yet.  I just need to give myself a little bit of time and not be angry or concerned or frustrated or uncertain.

This is my time.

And little by little I shall change the habits of old.

Instead of commuting two hours a day, I shall be wrapped in a robe with an unending cup of coffee and will be reviewing the written words from the day before and plotting where I want to take my characters that day.

I just need to give myself the time I need to breathe in and out and embrace the future.

The future is what I will make of it.  It is my time.

Carpe diem.